America has a traitor for President. He won't be happy until he has installed Russian assets in every important position in government. If citizens allow this to continue, Trump will be replacing the Stars and Stripes with a giant white flag to symbolize surrender to U.S. adversaries.
Well folks, it’s official: the couch isn’t going to save us.
This isn’t some rerun of The West Wing where the grown-ups fix things during a commercial break. This is The Purge: Constitution Edition, starring Elon Musk as Treasury Goblin, Pete Hegseth as the guy who skipped class during World War II history, and Donald J. Trump as the man who just handed Ukraine to Putin like it was a Happy Meal toy.
Let’s review, shall we?
The Defence Secretary can’t make it to the Ukraine Defence Contact Group because Pete Hegseth is “too busy,” probably building a Freedom Bunker out of Bud Light cans and conspiracy theories. Meanwhile, Trump has promoted Michael Duffey, the guy who helped extort Ukraine last time, to run the military aid programs. You know, the ones he once froze so Trump could go full mob boss on Zelensky.
Darren Beattie, ousted for white nationalist ties and married into a Kremlin-adjacent family, was in charge of dismantling America’s Russian disinfo defences. That’s not draining the swamp. That’s drilling a pipeline directly to Moscow.
And then there’s Elon. Sweet, ketamine-dusted Elon. According to Senator Warren, he’s clocked 130 corrupt acts in 130 days, basically running a private shadow government from inside a flamethrower-shaped spaceship. He’s like if Lex Luthor bought Twitter, shut down Congress, and outsourced democracy to PayPal.
Oh wait. He did.
Now Trump’s nuking the civil service with a “five-day purge” rule. If you leak, resist, or just know how to spell "accountability," you’re out the door by Friday. It’s not even subtle. This is Banana Republic energy with Wi-Fi and a Super Bowl ad budget.
Bill & Willy’s Final Thought:
This isn’t bad policy. It’s strategic demolition. A hostile takeover of the American government by people who couldn’t pass a high school civics quiz but can recite every Alex Jones monologue by heart. The billionaires get richer, the bureaucrats get booted, and Putin gets exactly what he paid for.
So no, there’s no more hiding behind the couch.
Unless you’ve fortified it with canned beans, a pocket Constitution, and your grandma’s FBI file from the 1960s.
Disclaimer:
This is a work of satire and commentary. All characters, voices, and events portrayed herein that resemble real people are used for the purposes of critique, parody, and protected political speech. The views expressed are exaggerated for comedic and rhetorical effect and should not be interpreted as literal statements of fact. We’re not accusing anyone of crimes that haven’t already been alleged by others, we’re just holding up a very sarcastic mirror.
If you’re still confused, please contact your local irony detector.
America has a traitor for President. He won't be happy until he has installed Russian assets in every important position in government. If citizens allow this to continue, Trump will be replacing the Stars and Stripes with a giant white flag to symbolize surrender to U.S. adversaries.
You mean he might actually tell the truth the truth might slip out oh s***
Thanks for the article.
There’s No More Hiding Behind the Couch
Well folks, it’s official: the couch isn’t going to save us.
This isn’t some rerun of The West Wing where the grown-ups fix things during a commercial break. This is The Purge: Constitution Edition, starring Elon Musk as Treasury Goblin, Pete Hegseth as the guy who skipped class during World War II history, and Donald J. Trump as the man who just handed Ukraine to Putin like it was a Happy Meal toy.
Let’s review, shall we?
The Defence Secretary can’t make it to the Ukraine Defence Contact Group because Pete Hegseth is “too busy,” probably building a Freedom Bunker out of Bud Light cans and conspiracy theories. Meanwhile, Trump has promoted Michael Duffey, the guy who helped extort Ukraine last time, to run the military aid programs. You know, the ones he once froze so Trump could go full mob boss on Zelensky.
Darren Beattie, ousted for white nationalist ties and married into a Kremlin-adjacent family, was in charge of dismantling America’s Russian disinfo defences. That’s not draining the swamp. That’s drilling a pipeline directly to Moscow.
And then there’s Elon. Sweet, ketamine-dusted Elon. According to Senator Warren, he’s clocked 130 corrupt acts in 130 days, basically running a private shadow government from inside a flamethrower-shaped spaceship. He’s like if Lex Luthor bought Twitter, shut down Congress, and outsourced democracy to PayPal.
Oh wait. He did.
Now Trump’s nuking the civil service with a “five-day purge” rule. If you leak, resist, or just know how to spell "accountability," you’re out the door by Friday. It’s not even subtle. This is Banana Republic energy with Wi-Fi and a Super Bowl ad budget.
Bill & Willy’s Final Thought:
This isn’t bad policy. It’s strategic demolition. A hostile takeover of the American government by people who couldn’t pass a high school civics quiz but can recite every Alex Jones monologue by heart. The billionaires get richer, the bureaucrats get booted, and Putin gets exactly what he paid for.
So no, there’s no more hiding behind the couch.
Unless you’ve fortified it with canned beans, a pocket Constitution, and your grandma’s FBI file from the 1960s.
Disclaimer:
This is a work of satire and commentary. All characters, voices, and events portrayed herein that resemble real people are used for the purposes of critique, parody, and protected political speech. The views expressed are exaggerated for comedic and rhetorical effect and should not be interpreted as literal statements of fact. We’re not accusing anyone of crimes that haven’t already been alleged by others, we’re just holding up a very sarcastic mirror.
If you’re still confused, please contact your local irony detector.