5️⃣ Ukraine's Orchestrated Surrender
Fresh off his humiliating Alaska summit where Putin ran the show, Trump dragged Zelensky to the White House today for what amounts to a surrender negotiation. The Ukrainian president arrived in a black suit instead of military fatigues—the optics alone signaling defeat. Behind closed doors, some sources claimed Trump offered Zelensky a Hollywood production deal and immunity from prosecution if he'd just give Putin 30% more Ukrainian territory than Russia currently occupies. We can’t verify that claim. It is possible European leaders are playing along, calling Trump's bluff while knowing Putin will never agree to any legitimate peace deal—he's broken 20 ceasefires since 2014.
4️⃣ Classified Documents Left in Hotel Printer
Eight pages of State Department documents about the Putin summit were discovered in an Anchorage hotel printer Friday, just hours after the meeting ended. The papers included exact locations at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson, phone numbers of government employees, and Trump's ceremonial gift to Putin—an American Bald Eagle desk statue. They even revealed the canceled luncheon menu featuring filet mignon and crème brûlée, complete with phonetic pronunciations like "Mr. President POO-tihn." UCLA law professor Jon Michaels called it "further evidence of the sloppiness and incompetence of the administration." This follows ICE agents accidentally adding random people to law enforcement group chats and national security leaders mistakenly including journalists in military strike discussions.
3️⃣ NFL Male Cheerleaders Trigger Culture War Meltdown
The Minnesota Vikings introduced Blaize Shiek and Louie Conn as male cheerleaders, and MAGA world is losing its mind—not because men haven't been cheerleaders before (they've been on college teams for decades), but because these particular men are gay and flamboyant. The real issue? Some conservative fans are getting aroused by the male cheerleaders and can't handle it. Meanwhile, Trump claimed during today's Ukraine presser that Democrats will lose elections because of "men on women's sports teams," trying to gaslight America into voting Republican over manufactured outrage while he hands the country to Putin.
2️⃣ Epstein Files Finally Coming to Congress
The Justice Department will start releasing Jeffrey Epstein documents to Congress by Friday, after House Oversight Chairman James Comer subpoenaed them last week. The committee also demanded testimony from Bill and Hillary Clinton, plus multiple former attorneys general. Bill Barr testified today—the cover-up specialist himself. Trump spent the weekend creating maximum chaos with the Putin summit, Ukraine negotiations, and mail-in voting attacks, suggesting he's either desperately distracting from what's in those files or his name's been thoroughly scrubbed. Given that 1,000 FBI agents reportedly spent time redacting his name "for privacy reasons," we'll see which version of history Congress gets.
1️⃣ Trump's Unconstitutional War on Mail-In Voting
During today's Ukraine press conference, Trump announced he's signing an executive order to eliminate mail-in voting nationwide, claiming "you can never have a real democracy with mail-in ballots." The Constitution explicitly gives states—not presidents—control over elections, but Trump posted that states are "merely agents" of the federal government who must obey him. Here's the kicker: Trump himself votes by mail and encouraged supporters to do the same in 2024. The real story? On Hannity, Trump admitted Putin told him to eliminate mail-in voting because that's how Trump "really won" 2020. Putin is literally dictating American election policy through his puppet, and Trump's implementing it in real-time.
The pattern is unmistakable: Putin gives orders in Alaska, Trump implements them in Washington. Today we watched an American president negotiate Ukraine's surrender on Russia's behalf while simultaneously attacking the voting system that Putin told him to destroy. The cheerleaders and Epstein files are just noise compared to the main event—watching Vladimir Putin run American foreign and domestic policy through his installed asset.
When Fox News reporters are saying Putin "stole Trump's lunch money and slapped him in the face," you know the mask is completely off. America First has become Russia First, and the only question remaining is whether Americans will wake up in time for 2026—assuming we still have elections by then.
The FiveStack is available as an audio podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Advertising inquiries email next@narativ.org. The FiveStack is a co-production of deanblundell.substack.com and narativ.org.
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