Ladies and gentlemen, we've just witnessed one of the most brazen financial heists in American history. The Five Stack breaks it down
5. America's President Has Lost It
The president of the United States is insane. There's no other explanation for deliberately tanking the world's leading economy, then "saving" it through what appears to be the most public pump-and-dump scheme ever executed.
Don't take my word for it. Tom Lee from a major research firm reports fund managers are questioning the White House's rationality: "Some even fear there may be no ideology. A few have quietly wondered if the president might be insane."
He's not insane. He's criminal. And with the Supreme Court's immunity gift, he's operating with impunity.
4. Mark Carney's Financial Checkmate
Mark Carney just schooled Trump in economic warfare. As one of America's biggest creditors, Canada began strategically selling US Treasury bonds. When you owe someone $350 billion, they have leverage.
Japan, China, and other major debt holders followed suit, creating a slow bleed of American dollars that forced Trump to backpedal on tariffs.
This is what happens when you threaten countries that collectively own your $35 trillion debt. It's like threatening your bank while begging for a loan.
3. China Tariffs: The Ultimate Self-Own
The 145% China tariffs reveal either complete economic incompetence or a deliberate effort to benefit China. Instead of bringing manufacturing stateside, these tariffs make China more attractive for global production.
The math is simple: an iPhone manufactured in America would cost $3,000-$6,000. Americans won't pay for MAGA-phones at those prices.
Meanwhile, Carney flipped the script on Trump's "national security threat" nonsense, correctly identifying America as the true threat to Canada through its exports of guns, drugs, and social media-amplified hate.
2. Showerheads and Eggs: Peak Distraction
After cratering markets, the White House priorities turned to... shower pressure. The "Undoing the Left's War on Water Pressure" executive order declared that "no longer will shower heads be weak and worthless."
This alongside Trump's claim that egg prices dropped 79%, while they actually hit record highs at $6.23 per dozen. You can't make this shit up.
1. The $415 Million Personal Payday
While America's retirement accounts burned, Trump personally pocketed $415 million. The scheme was transparent:
MTG made suspicious stock trades minutes before Trump's announcement
Trump posted "today's a great day to buy stocks" on Truth Social
Trump Media filed to sell shares at the artificially inflated prices
Charles Schwab ($2.5B) and Roger Penske ($900M) celebrated their windfall in the Oval Office
In the Rose Garden, Trump celebrated the Dow's "historic" surge while ignoring the $10 trillion in losses his tariff threats caused days earlier.
The Bottom Line
America is being run by a mobster. This wasn't governance – it was economic sabotage for personal profit. Trump isn't serving American interests; he's executing a financial revenge tour at the expense of average citizens.
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