5️⃣ Laura Loomer Loses
A federal judge in Florida, a Clinton appointee, granted summary judgment to Bill Maher and HBO, killing Laura Loomer’s $150 million defamation suit before it reached a jury. “Summary judgment, which means the judge laughed at it,” Blundell said. The suit targeted a September 2024 Real Time bit in which Maher named Loomer as the president’s likely mistress. Her own deposition sank the case — her income went up in 2024, she still flies on Trump’s plane, she still gets into the White House, and she could not name one person whose opinion of her had changed. Witnesses testified she had told them she “gave Trump the best blowjob of his life,” and her father, Jeff Loomer, reportedly declined to rule out another involuntary psychiatric hold for her, saying he could not deny the claim. “Laura Loomer is the president’s mistress,” Shalev said. “That’s why she has access to the president. In this case, these blowjobs are a national security risk.”
4️⃣ The New Navy Secretary Is Interesting
On day 55 of the Iran war, Trump ordered the US Navy to “shoot and kill” any Iranian boats laying mines in the Strait of Hormuz. In the same 24 hours, Pete Hegseth fired Navy Secretary John Phelan 13 days into the job and installed Undersecretary Hung Cao as acting. “It is stunning that in the middle of a war, this guy has been on the job for 13 days, has now been ousted because essentially he disagreed with what the president was asking him to do,” Shalev said. Cao, a Christian nationalist with a documented record of evangelical-cult rhetoric and race-based KKK jokes on The War Room, once warned that Monterey, California, was becoming a witchcraft capital. “The guy who thinks Monterey is going to become the witchcraft capital of the world is now in charge of the United States Navy,” Shalev said. Iran’s Revolutionary Guard has already seized two commercial ships and left a third stranded, and Trump says there is “no time frame” on ending the war.
3️⃣ Lutnick Continues Epstein Cover-Up
Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick testified at House Appropriations this morning. Rep. Madeleine Dean confronted him directly — “Why did you lie to the New York Post about your relationship with Jeffrey Epstein?” — then laid out the Lutnick family tariff-refund scheme Rep. Jamie Raskin is now investigating. Lutnick deflected every Epstein question to his May 6 House Oversight interview, the same line he used on Sen. Chris Van Hollen in the Senate the day before. “Let the record reflect,” Dean said. “You’re dodging the question. The cover-up continues.” Dean closed by calling on him to “resign before you are fired.” Nobody on the committee asked about Tether — Cantor Fitzgerald, now run by Lutnick’s son Brandon, custodies the $132 billion in Treasuries backing the stablecoin, took a $600 million stake that Tether itself financed through a loan to the Lutnick family trust, and is now reserve custodian for USAT, the new GENIUS Act stablecoin. “Tether is a crypto company that owns Lutnick’s family fortune and owns Cantor Fitzgerald and has it rigged,” Shalev said.
2️⃣ Senate OKs Ice Surge In Pre-Dawn Vote
Trump reposted Michael Savage’s Newsmax segment to Truth Social — a screed calling India and China “hellholes,” attacking ACLU attorney Cecillia Wang by ethnicity, and invoking Andrew Jackson’s defiance of the Supreme Court on Cherokee removal, misattributed as “Stonewall Jackson.” “It’s the most racist thing I’ve ever read in my life that a president has ever put out,” Shalev said. The SCOTUS majority signaled on April 1 that it will strike down Trump’s birthright citizenship executive order, with a ruling by end of June, and Savage’s Jackson reference is the framework: if the Court rules against him, ignore it. In the same overnight cycle, the Senate cleared S.Con.Res.33 at 3:49 AM, 50-48 party-line, setting the framework for ICE and Border Patrol funding through FY2035. “They are moving at lightning speed before the next 195 days to take control of the United States elections,” Blundell said. ICE staffing announcements are expected inside 72 hours.
1️⃣ Eric Trump, Pentagon Robotics Manufacturer
Eric Trump went on Fox Business this morning to celebrate a $24 million Pentagon contract awarded to Foundation Industries, a robotics firm where he serves as Chief Strategic Adviser and investor. The product is Phantom 2, a humanoid robot to be deployed to Ukraine to inspect and transport weapons on the frontlines. Maria Bartiromo congratulated him on air. Combined with Donald Trump Jr.’s $620 million Pentagon loan in December and the brothers’ stakes in drone maker Powerus, rare earth magnets, and related plays, the family has now collected “about $770 million now that they’ve made from government contracts in the last 12 months,” Blundell said. Scott McFarlane’s reporting catalogs the parallel bucket list — Trump pushing to replace Benjamin Franklin on the $100 bill, mint a new $250 note with his own face, rename Dulles Trump International, rebrand the Washington Metro “WMAGA,” and fund NIH research into “Trump derangement syndrome.” “He wants the world to look like his brain,” Blundell said.
Loomer sued herself out of court, the Navy Secretary got purged mid-combat, the Commerce Secretary ran out the clock, the president pre-positioned defiance of the Supreme Court, and the president’s son rolled up $24 million of the Pentagon on live TV. Corrupt administration, top to bottom. History Rhymes. That’s how we know sooner.
The FiveStack is available as an audio podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. The FiveStack is a co-production of deanblundell.substack.com and narativ.org.
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